My marriage is a good one. I look back on some memories and almost weep from happiness because I feel I have been able to be myself through it all. I think part of it has to do with the fact that D and I were best friends before we started dating. But I realize I don't compromise my beliefs, my standards, my desires for him and the best part is that I don't have to. My ex, for example, was a smoker. I had always said I'd never date a smoker and lo-and-behold I stayed with the guy for almost 3 years. This obviously isn't as huge a deal as say difference of religion or different politics but it was still something I compromised on when I didn't really want to. Cigarettes make me sick to my stomach, smell like shit, and give me major headaches (not to mention the OBVIOUS con of them being extraordinarily unhealthy for you). When I look back on that relationship, even though it had some wonderful memories, I realized I compromised
a lot of myself. This is one reason, I think, why it failed and why I was so absolutely heartbroken when it did. I was disappointed in how it ended but also disappointed in myself for putting up with crap I didn't want to but did out of
love. Yes, love is important in relationships but there are other factors just as important at play and they all need to be taken in to account when working the intricate network that is a relationship.
I don't have to do that with Derrick. Yes we bicker but the point is we talk about disagreements and come to compromises
together instead of one person making a sacrifice for the other.
Plus we just have a lot of fun and laugher is
incredibly sexy.
I was thinking back to when we sat down and first talked about him liking me. I was adamantly opposed to us dating. I thought it was sweet that he liked but but didn't want to date anyone, namely my best friend. So he took the news in stride as we talked for hours and then after it was all said and done, suggested we play "hot lava" (if you don't know what "hot lava" is: 1) you missed something awesome in your childhood and 2) it is where participants climb on everything BUT the floor (because the floor is hot lava) to a safe point). So we ended a snowy evening in February of 2008 playing hot lava and laughing after an intense conversation about love and loss. We didn't end up dating until a few weeks later but it was a comforting and insightful evening when a friendship was further etched in stone and feelings of interest and intrigue were developing (for me).
This is just one example of the awesome that encompasses my relationship with my husband. I'm not sure how people see us, nor do I really care. D is one of the sweetest, funniest, smartest of people I have ever come across and it's often so refreshing.
I think why we work is because it's not that my husband is my best friend...it's my best friend is my husband. I get to be myself, fully 100% of the time (even when those times are ugly, mean, angry, embarrassed, etc.). There are times when we act like roommates, like lovers, like enemies, like strangers, like old friends, like new friends, like a couple. And of course, most of the time all of this is wrapped up in one!
This wasn't a post intended to brag about my spouse (although I have no problems with bragging about him and us). Sometimes I get caught up in the hustle-and-bustle of our busy lives and overlook what makes life truly amazing and perfect for me. It's laughter, history, smiles, stories, anger, rebirth, friendship, sleeping, learning, reading, loving. And I am ever so fortunate to be able to do it all with a guy I happen to swoon over daily.
That's absolutely enough for me.
