My marriage is a good one. I look back on some memories and almost weep from happiness because I feel I have been able to be myself through it all. I think part of it has to do with the fact that D and I were best friends before we started dating. But I realize I don't compromise my beliefs, my standards, my desires for him and the best part is that I don't have to. My ex, for example, was a smoker. I had always said I'd never date a smoker and lo-and-behold I stayed with the guy for almost 3 years. This obviously isn't as huge a deal as say difference of religion or different politics but it was still something I compromised on when I didn't really want to. Cigarettes make me sick to my stomach, smell like shit, and give me major headaches (not to mention the OBVIOUS con of them being extraordinarily unhealthy for you). When I look back on that relationship, even though it had some wonderful memories, I realized I compromised a lot of myself. This is one reason, I think, why it failed and why I was so absolutely heartbroken when it did. I was disappointed in how it ended but also disappointed in myself for putting up with crap I didn't want to but did out of love. Yes, love is important in relationships but there are other factors just as important at play and they all need to be taken in to account when working the intricate network that is a relationship.
I don't have to do that with Derrick. Yes we bicker but the point is we talk about disagreements and come to compromises together instead of one person making a sacrifice for the other.
Plus we just have a lot of fun and laugher is incredibly sexy.
I was thinking back to when we sat down and first talked about him liking me. I was adamantly opposed to us dating. I thought it was sweet that he liked but but didn't want to date anyone, namely my best friend. So he took the news in stride as we talked for hours and then after it was all said and done, suggested we play "hot lava" (if you don't know what "hot lava" is: 1) you missed something awesome in your childhood and 2) it is where participants climb on everything BUT the floor (because the floor is hot lava) to a safe point). So we ended a snowy evening in February of 2008 playing hot lava and laughing after an intense conversation about love and loss. We didn't end up dating until a few weeks later but it was a comforting and insightful evening when a friendship was further etched in stone and feelings of interest and intrigue were developing (for me).
This is just one example of the awesome that encompasses my relationship with my husband. I'm not sure how people see us, nor do I really care. D is one of the sweetest, funniest, smartest of people I have ever come across and it's often so refreshing.
I think why we work is because it's not that my husband is my best friend...it's my best friend is my husband. I get to be myself, fully 100% of the time (even when those times are ugly, mean, angry, embarrassed, etc.). There are times when we act like roommates, like lovers, like enemies, like strangers, like old friends, like new friends, like a couple. And of course, most of the time all of this is wrapped up in one!
This wasn't a post intended to brag about my spouse (although I have no problems with bragging about him and us). Sometimes I get caught up in the hustle-and-bustle of our busy lives and overlook what makes life truly amazing and perfect for me. It's laughter, history, smiles, stories, anger, rebirth, friendship, sleeping, learning, reading, loving. And I am ever so fortunate to be able to do it all with a guy I happen to swoon over daily.
That's absolutely enough for me.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Friday, September 21, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
Rub on, rub off
Some people say the longer you are with someone the more you start to rub off on one another.
I think me and D are great examples of this.
We've exposed one another to new kinds of food, music, movies, literature, cultures, ideas, attitudes, behaviors and philosophies. We've come to love some while not liking others. Some we make a conscious effort to absorb while others unintentionally cling and become part of our daily nuances.
I kind of like that. I'm not like this with too many people. My best friend (Destiny) and I are like this, my mom and I are like this, and now D is added. Granted it can be argued that spending enough time with ANYONE will cause these type of things to happen but I don't know.... Well...I guess that may be right slightly. I did pick up a few mannerisms from my ex and visa versa but not many (probably in part because we were very different).
I like that my sense of optimism and good-spiritedness has rubbed off on his broody and guarded person. I like that his sense of ground standing has rubbed off and taken a more prominent form in my life, giving me confidence in another arena of me. I like that I introduced him to the doors and he liked them so much he included some of them in our wedding vows. I like that he has shown me new places on the other side of the country, enticing adventure (which evolved my love for travel even further).
All in all, I like us. We are quite a pair of silly, nerdy, brainy, fun loving people. We rub off on one another in (mostly) fantastic ways and I get super excited to see what else will start showing in the next 4.5 years <3 p="p">
I think me and D are great examples of this.
We've exposed one another to new kinds of food, music, movies, literature, cultures, ideas, attitudes, behaviors and philosophies. We've come to love some while not liking others. Some we make a conscious effort to absorb while others unintentionally cling and become part of our daily nuances.
I kind of like that. I'm not like this with too many people. My best friend (Destiny) and I are like this, my mom and I are like this, and now D is added. Granted it can be argued that spending enough time with ANYONE will cause these type of things to happen but I don't know.... Well...I guess that may be right slightly. I did pick up a few mannerisms from my ex and visa versa but not many (probably in part because we were very different).
I like that my sense of optimism and good-spiritedness has rubbed off on his broody and guarded person. I like that his sense of ground standing has rubbed off and taken a more prominent form in my life, giving me confidence in another arena of me. I like that I introduced him to the doors and he liked them so much he included some of them in our wedding vows. I like that he has shown me new places on the other side of the country, enticing adventure (which evolved my love for travel even further).
All in all, I like us. We are quite a pair of silly, nerdy, brainy, fun loving people. We rub off on one another in (mostly) fantastic ways and I get super excited to see what else will start showing in the next 4.5 years <3 p="p">
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
The Married Life-part III
HAPPY (belated) 2 YEARS TO MY BEST FRIEND, SWEET LOVER, AND WONDERFUL HUSBAND!
WE TRULY ARE A PAIR.
I LOVE YOU MADLY. <3
Sunday, October 9, 2011
SlutWalk 2011
On October 2nd I attended the Nashville SlutWalk. It was a peace walk for sexual assault victims to raise awareness of the social stigma of the term "slut" and the issues we have in teaching (mostly) women on how not to get raped.
The issue really is in teaching (mostly) men on how NOT to rape!!
Check out some of the awesome signs everyone made and some other pictures.
It was a wonderful experience to know so many people wanted to come together to bring about more awareness for sexual assault victims. I left after about an hour but when I left they did another walk and then held a candle light vigil in honor of those victims. VERY cool. Make sure you educate your self and others around you!
I suggest next time the SW rolls around in your town for you to attend-totally worth it.
The issue really is in teaching (mostly) men on how NOT to rape!!
Check out some of the awesome signs everyone made and some other pictures.
Jamie's sign
I love this!
Jamie and CJ and their shirts and sign. The shirts say "Got consent?" and "It's a dress-not a yes!"
More signs-at the start of walk #1.
A group coming back from walk #1-it was such a large group!! SO many signs and activism =]
My sign-it says "We do NOT ask for it."
Some of the group sitting listening to Stella Parton (author and sister to Dolly) describe her sexual assault, give some alarming stats, and sing us a song from the movie "The Color Purple". Very inspiring.
It was a wonderful experience to know so many people wanted to come together to bring about more awareness for sexual assault victims. I left after about an hour but when I left they did another walk and then held a candle light vigil in honor of those victims. VERY cool. Make sure you educate your self and others around you!
I suggest next time the SW rolls around in your town for you to attend-totally worth it.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
My Uncle Clyde
I have been incredibly fortunate in having lost very few people in my life time. Yes, I am still fairly young but I have known very few people who have passed and have yet to go to a funeral.
It's surreal. And it happened. He's gone...my Uncle Clyde has passed away. He is the first person in my family (that I am close to and know) that has passed. And it makes me so sad! I mean duh, it makes me sad, but it's just so bizarre. I don't really know how to handle it, ya know?
Last year I wrote a blog about an assortment of things and in it I mentioned Uncle Clyde:
"My Dot Dot (that's my grandmother's name) and Aunt Phyllis are staying in Chattanooga for about 2 months because my "Uncle" Clyde (not really my uncle but he's like my grandmothers brother so we call him that) is in very poor health and they're afraid he may not last too much longer...it really makes me sad. I've only had 3 people I know die and I was around 12 when my Great Grandmother Ruby died, about 15 or 16 when my Great Uncle David died and 21 when my mentor Dale McGillard died. I've never been to a funeral-and I don't really want to, as horrible as that sounds. But I think when my Uncle Clyde passes I will. I think it's time. We have always had Christmas (and sometimes Thanksgiving) every year on my dad's side at Uncle Clyde's house. He used to chain smoke in his kitchen and watch birds in his backyard. He made the BEST food from scratch and could never tell you the recipes because they varied a little bit each time he made them! He always had at minimum 10 stray cats he would feed on his back porch. He's got every Disney movie (either on DVD, VHS, or both) EVER MADE on his shelves. he used to play the organ and do the score board for the local church down the hill. He collects a bunch of knick knacks and has the most comfortable guest bed on the planet. His sense of humor has and always will stay intact. When we would visit my dad on his weekends we would always go visit Uncle Clyde and swing on his rickety porch swing and climb his knobby tree in the front yard. I learned to throw a Frisbee in his back yard and have some fond memories that my dad and I shared at that house-like our early morning Dunkin' Donuts and t.v. time when I was a child...Now he is 5' 10" and weighs barely 100 lbs. He is on oxygen 24/7 and can no longer smoke. He doesn't have much energy to cook or do much now. He still watches his birds though. And now he's getting in to RetroTV, lol. I think he's starting to look back on his life. He's told Dot Dot that he's ready whenever. I think that's very admirable seeing that he's got prostate cancer, CHF, I think COPD, along with a few other ailments. He just turned 76 about 2 weeks ago. After all of that I listed above, I still don't know much about him. I asked my Dot Dot some questions and this is what I got: His middle name is Marvin. He was engaged twice but never married. He used to have dark hair and eyes and has always been a bean pole. Now he's got no hair and looks like a mix of Jiminy Cricket and Ghandi-both smiley and happy-and still is a bean pole. He's always loved the heat (he never had air conditioning in his house until Dot Dot JUST put in a wall unit 2 weeks ago). His mother lived just down the street from him before she died a few years ago. He used to play the organ at the church down the hill from him. He was born in Chattanooga and lived in Harrison starting in 1949. I think when he passes he'll pass just fine. Quietly, in no pain, and probably in his sleep. I sit her crying a bit thinking about it, but I know that he's okay and ready to meet his maker so I can't be sad for him. I'll just miss him and Christmas will never be the same without him..."
And then he, being the stubborn man he is, lives to 77! He got better for a while and then got weaker very quickly. He refused home care. He ended up getting a stint put in his heart. And then his lung collapsed and it all went down hill from there....
I miss him so much. It will be bizarre to have Christmas at his house this year without him there. I love him. I miss him. Yet I am so glad I was fortunate enough to spend so much time with him in my lifetime and I was able to see him before he passed away, making him laugh and smile while he was in the hospital. I am so fortunate that I have an incredibly close and strong family, a great network of friends and colleagues that are supportive, and professors who are compassionate and understanding.
I am fortunate because I knew Clyde. Because he was my great uncle, my buddy.
And I miss him.
It's surreal. And it happened. He's gone...my Uncle Clyde has passed away. He is the first person in my family (that I am close to and know) that has passed. And it makes me so sad! I mean duh, it makes me sad, but it's just so bizarre. I don't really know how to handle it, ya know?
Last year I wrote a blog about an assortment of things and in it I mentioned Uncle Clyde:
"My Dot Dot (that's my grandmother's name) and Aunt Phyllis are staying in Chattanooga for about 2 months because my "Uncle" Clyde (not really my uncle but he's like my grandmothers brother so we call him that) is in very poor health and they're afraid he may not last too much longer...it really makes me sad. I've only had 3 people I know die and I was around 12 when my Great Grandmother Ruby died, about 15 or 16 when my Great Uncle David died and 21 when my mentor Dale McGillard died. I've never been to a funeral-and I don't really want to, as horrible as that sounds. But I think when my Uncle Clyde passes I will. I think it's time. We have always had Christmas (and sometimes Thanksgiving) every year on my dad's side at Uncle Clyde's house. He used to chain smoke in his kitchen and watch birds in his backyard. He made the BEST food from scratch and could never tell you the recipes because they varied a little bit each time he made them! He always had at minimum 10 stray cats he would feed on his back porch. He's got every Disney movie (either on DVD, VHS, or both) EVER MADE on his shelves. he used to play the organ and do the score board for the local church down the hill. He collects a bunch of knick knacks and has the most comfortable guest bed on the planet. His sense of humor has and always will stay intact. When we would visit my dad on his weekends we would always go visit Uncle Clyde and swing on his rickety porch swing and climb his knobby tree in the front yard. I learned to throw a Frisbee in his back yard and have some fond memories that my dad and I shared at that house-like our early morning Dunkin' Donuts and t.v. time when I was a child...Now he is 5' 10" and weighs barely 100 lbs. He is on oxygen 24/7 and can no longer smoke. He doesn't have much energy to cook or do much now. He still watches his birds though. And now he's getting in to RetroTV, lol. I think he's starting to look back on his life. He's told Dot Dot that he's ready whenever. I think that's very admirable seeing that he's got prostate cancer, CHF, I think COPD, along with a few other ailments. He just turned 76 about 2 weeks ago. After all of that I listed above, I still don't know much about him. I asked my Dot Dot some questions and this is what I got: His middle name is Marvin. He was engaged twice but never married. He used to have dark hair and eyes and has always been a bean pole. Now he's got no hair and looks like a mix of Jiminy Cricket and Ghandi-both smiley and happy-and still is a bean pole. He's always loved the heat (he never had air conditioning in his house until Dot Dot JUST put in a wall unit 2 weeks ago). His mother lived just down the street from him before she died a few years ago. He used to play the organ at the church down the hill from him. He was born in Chattanooga and lived in Harrison starting in 1949. I think when he passes he'll pass just fine. Quietly, in no pain, and probably in his sleep. I sit her crying a bit thinking about it, but I know that he's okay and ready to meet his maker so I can't be sad for him. I'll just miss him and Christmas will never be the same without him..."
And then he, being the stubborn man he is, lives to 77! He got better for a while and then got weaker very quickly. He refused home care. He ended up getting a stint put in his heart. And then his lung collapsed and it all went down hill from there....
I miss him so much. It will be bizarre to have Christmas at his house this year without him there. I love him. I miss him. Yet I am so glad I was fortunate enough to spend so much time with him in my lifetime and I was able to see him before he passed away, making him laugh and smile while he was in the hospital. I am so fortunate that I have an incredibly close and strong family, a great network of friends and colleagues that are supportive, and professors who are compassionate and understanding.
I am fortunate because I knew Clyde. Because he was my great uncle, my buddy.
And I miss him.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Danielle & Ben's Wedding
So on Saturday, the 28th, I journeyed to Suck Creek for my friend Danielle and Ben's wedding! They have been engaged for over a year so we had a lot in common when it came to long engagements, spring venues, and wedding planning. It was a GORGEOUS ceremony with a lot a wonderful details tying Ben and Danielle even closer, now as husband and wife. Their ceremony was very similar to ours with the hand ceremony speech. It took me back and made me remember my wedding day (not too long ago!) and I couldn't help but smile and be so happy for the journey their taking together! I'm so happy for the two of them!
I took a bunch of pictures but below are some of my favorites.
The setting for the intimate ceremony-the theme colors were red and blue with silver undertones.
My BEST FRIEND Destiny-in her full Navy dress blues. She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to make it to the wedding since she is in Naval school but she was! Doesn't she look sharp?
A blurry pic but the pronouncement of Mr. and Mrs. Kailing!
The cake-this is one of the coolest twists on the already original cupcake cake idea. They had the top tier for them to cut into and then had about 15 different mini-cupcakes of a ton of cool flavors! There was chocolate mint, strawberry, key lime pie, red velvet, s'more, tirimasu, and lots more!
Me and my sailor
The bride/wife after the ceremony-she had this fantastic 1950s vibe going with her entire look and it worked SO WELL for her!
Me, Danielle (the bride), and Destiny (post ceremony/clothing change).
The happy couple cutting the cake.
Best friends.
LOOK AT THIS DRESS! I was pretty obsessed with this look the entire time, haha!
The Guardian of Cleveland team! From L: Tracy, Mary, Danielle, Kristy, and Destiny.
The couple's first dance-this was so sweet!
<3
Not only was it an absolutely gorgeous wedding but it was a ton of fun and lots of laughs!
ENJOY MARRIED LIFE BEN AND DANIELLE KAILING! IT'S SUCH A NEAT ADVENTURE FULL OF LAUGHTER, INTRIGUE, AND FUN!
XOXO
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Married Life-Part II
Wow-1 year later and I am still and lovingly Mrs. Raley! How amazing <3
We've gone from this:
Totally okay with it.
I can't believe that a year later, my best friend and I are still best friends. It's pretty fantastic.
On our anniversary we went and had lunch together, got some cupcakes (since we didn't keep the top of our wedding cake) for after-dinner dessert, walked around the mall, hung out, went to a yummy hibachi dinner, and came home to watch our wedding video, let me wear my wedding dress again (guilty!) and spend love time together. It was wonderful.
I'll say: this first year has been trying and strange and wonderful and fun and scary and hard and fast. I can't believe it's already been 1 year-it seems like only yesterday (cheesy, but true) that I was planning flowers and discussing food choices!
Check out a few of the picutres from our day:
Since we didn't save the top of our cake-we got some wonderful cupcakes from GiGi's!
Our yummy Hibachi left overs!
Me in my wedding dress-it was so much fun to put it on again!
He's my happily ever after <3
You don't have to be in love to believe in it...I'm just fortuante enough to do them both and oh-so-proud!
Love-make it meaningful and honest,
Mrs. Raley
Friday, April 1, 2011
Love
Me: Will you hold my hand when I get my tattoo redone?
Der: Yes I'll hold your hand. I'll also hold your hand when your in labor with our children. I'll hold your hand when you get our Doctorate. I'll hold your hand walking through the streets of Paris. I'll hold your hand in D.C. I'll hold your hand when we are old together. I'll always hold you hand.
Me: *wipes happy tears away* I guess the tattoo seems a bit trivial now, huh?
It really does get stronger every. day.
<3
Der: Yes I'll hold your hand. I'll also hold your hand when your in labor with our children. I'll hold your hand when you get our Doctorate. I'll hold your hand walking through the streets of Paris. I'll hold your hand in D.C. I'll hold your hand when we are old together. I'll always hold you hand.
Me: *wipes happy tears away* I guess the tattoo seems a bit trivial now, huh?
It really does get stronger every. day.
<3
Thursday, March 10, 2011
3 years
Yesterday-Derrick and I celebrated 3 years of being together! We were best friends first, had a quick stint of lovers next, and lastly I finally said yes to being his girlfriend (after being asked every day once he admitted he liked me in February).
Man oh man how time has flown by! Sometimes it seems like YEARS longer and then other times it feels like it's been a few months! Check out the pictures to see some fun chronology of our relationship!
Man oh man how time has flown by! Sometimes it seems like YEARS longer and then other times it feels like it's been a few months! Check out the pictures to see some fun chronology of our relationship!
*Excuse the birds...this was in Romeo and Juliet-where Derrick and I met and became best friends. 2007*
*Here-my mom came to visit and a group of us went out for Mexican. Der said this was when he thought I looked very pretty that night. 2008*
*We went West! Derrick had finally confessed he liked me on my drive to Indiana in February and swore to "woo" me in the West.... 2008*
*Wooed. I officially said I'd be his on March 9th, 2008.*
*Late 2008.*
*Late 2008*
*At my sister's wedding-September 6th, 2008*
*Halloween-Officer "Smokin'" and Christopher Walken. 2008*
*New Years. 2009*
*The day after being proposed to! ENGAGED! 2009*
*I graduated! May 2009*
*Engagement Picture-late 2009*
*Engagement Picture-late 2009*
*Our wedding day-May 13th, 2010*
*Our wedding day-May 13th, 2010*
*Our wedding day-May 13th, 2010*
*Our wedding day-May 13th, 2010*
*Great date-new hair! Late 2010*
*Christmas card pics-December 2010*
*New Years Day. 2011*
*Great Date2-January 2011*
*The Delta Queen-February 12th, 2011*
*Yesterday at The Melting Pot-March 9th, 2011*
I think I'll keep him around =]
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