A Good Marriage Indeed

My marriage is a good one.  I look back on some memories and almost weep from happiness because I feel I have been able to be myself through it all.  I think part of it has to do with the fact that D and I were best friends before we started dating.  But I realize I don't compromise my beliefs, my standards, my desires for him and the best part is that I don't have to.  My ex, for example, was a smoker.  I had always said I'd never date a smoker and lo-and-behold I stayed with the guy for almost 3 years.  This obviously isn't as huge a deal as say difference of religion or different politics but it was still something I compromised on when I didn't really want to.  Cigarettes make me sick to my stomach, smell like shit, and give me major headaches (not to mention the OBVIOUS con of them being extraordinarily unhealthy for you).  When I look back on that relationship, even though it had some wonderful memories, I realized I compromised a lot of myself.  This is one reason, I think, why it failed and why I was so absolutely heartbroken when it did.  I was disappointed in how it ended but also disappointed in myself for putting up with crap I didn't want to but did out of love.  Yes, love is important in relationships but there are other factors just as important at play and they all need to be taken in to account when working the intricate network that is a relationship.

I don't have to do that with Derrick.  Yes we bicker but the point is we talk about disagreements and come to compromises together instead of one person making a sacrifice for the other.

Plus we just have a lot of fun and laugher is incredibly sexy.

I was thinking back to when we sat down and first talked about him liking me.  I was adamantly opposed to us dating.  I thought it was sweet that he liked but but didn't want to date anyone, namely my best friend.  So he took the news in stride as we talked for hours and then after it was all said and done, suggested we play "hot lava" (if you don't know what "hot lava" is: 1) you missed something awesome in your childhood and 2) it is where participants climb on everything BUT the floor (because the floor is hot lava) to a safe point).  So we ended a snowy evening in February of 2008 playing hot lava and laughing after an intense conversation about love and loss.  We didn't end up dating until a few weeks later but it was a comforting and insightful evening when a friendship was further etched in stone and feelings of interest and intrigue were developing (for me).

This is just one example of the awesome that encompasses my relationship with my husband.  I'm not sure how people see us, nor do I really care.  D is one of the sweetest, funniest, smartest of people I have ever come across and it's often so refreshing.

I think why we work is because it's not that my husband is my best friend...it's my best friend is my husband.  I get to be myself, fully 100% of the time (even when those times are ugly, mean, angry, embarrassed, etc.).  There are times when we act like roommates, like lovers, like enemies, like strangers, like old friends, like new friends, like a couple.  And of course, most of the time all of this is wrapped up in one!

This wasn't a post intended to brag about my spouse (although I have no problems with bragging about him and us).  Sometimes I get caught up in the hustle-and-bustle of our busy lives and overlook what makes life truly amazing and perfect for me.  It's laughter, history, smiles, stories, anger, rebirth, friendship, sleeping, learning, reading, loving.  And I am ever so fortunate to be able to do it all with a guy I happen to swoon over daily.

That's absolutely enough for me.

Motivational Issues

It's not even procrastination that's getting me I suppose...I just have no motivation to do anything school related.  I find that I have this habit when I start getting really close to something and a bit anxious about it I kind of shut down and don't want to do anything...which of course is a horrible habit to have, especially while trying to complete my last semester of Graduate school.

Boo.

And today it's raining which makes me only want to stay inside, finish my book and nap sporadically throughout the day.

*Sigh*

Any advice on getting motivation?    I've tried looking at the big picture, I've tried ridding of distractions, I've tried to calm down (in case anxiety is what's ailing me).  Nada.

I think part of it has to do with having so much more time on my hands that I'm like "Ah, I can do that another day because I've got SO much time" when really I don't.  Damn!

I think I'll go get a donut, some coffee, and hide my book until the stuff is done.... I had plans to go to the library but I don't want to walk in the rain (lazy) and it isn't opened for too long today.

Let's hope it works!

Rub on, rub off

Some people say the longer you are with someone the more you start to rub off on one another.

I think me and D are great examples of this.

We've exposed one another to new kinds of food, music, movies, literature, cultures, ideas, attitudes, behaviors and philosophies.  We've come to love some while not liking others.  Some we make a conscious effort to absorb while others unintentionally cling and become part of our daily nuances.

I kind of like that.  I'm not like this with too many people.  My best friend (Destiny) and I are like this, my mom and I are like this, and now D is added.  Granted it can be argued that spending enough time with ANYONE will cause these type of things to happen but I don't know....  Well...I guess that may be right slightly.  I did pick up a few mannerisms from my ex and visa versa but not many (probably in part because we were very different).

I like that my sense of optimism and good-spiritedness has rubbed off on his broody and guarded person.  I like that his sense of ground standing has rubbed off and taken a more prominent form in my life, giving me confidence in another arena of me.  I like that I introduced him to the doors and he liked them so much he included some of them in our wedding vows.  I like that he has shown me new places on the other side of the country, enticing adventure (which evolved my love for travel even further).

All in all, I like us.  We are quite a pair of silly, nerdy, brainy, fun loving people.  We rub off on one another in (mostly) fantastic ways and I get super excited to see what else will start showing in the next 4.5 years <3 p="p">

Good-bye sweet summer!

This summer has truly been an amazing one.  Lots of travel, sunshine, learning, and laughing has taken place.  My goals haven't all been done but alas...such is summer =]

*Big Goals*
-Take a family trip to Universal Studios. WE HAD A BLAST!

-Start and complete level 5 (the last) of the French Rosetta Stone. FAIL-I'm officially putting on my semester schedule (like a class) so I will get it done!

-Complete volunteer work towards the end of the month. FAIL

-Start (what will hopefully be) my last semester of Graduate School. I am pumped! Busy busy busy, coming my way!

*Smaller Goals*
-Read. (I read "Dracula" by Bram Stoker, "Jesus Freaks: A True Story of Murder and Madness on the Evangelical Edge" by Don Lattin" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" by Ken Kensey-I also read book 3 of the HP series)

-Make an A for my SK class.

-Get organized. (I've combined me and D's schedules for the semester (including both work and school along with appts., etc.) and as crazy as it looks it makes me feel MUCH better about organizing it all!

-FINALLY get my hair cut. (Seriously-it's been since April!)

-Start new research. (Now while it's in its prime, I am REALLY hoping to hanker down and get it going this semester, including IRB approval and the creation of my interview questions.  I've already started gathering literature and coming up with hypotheses)

-Spend more time with friends.

-Spend some time with past/present/future Soc. grad students.

What a grand summer it has been-I love summers so much and always look forward to them.